The waiting game.....

It's a Monday afternoon. My baby is sleeping and the house is quiet. I've got a cup of coffee on my table. It's drizzly and beautiful outside of my window and the birds seem to be celebrating. It's perfect. There's so much to listen to even when it's silent. So much to see, even if I'm sitting in the same place everyday. How come I don't see it that way all the time?

Of late I've been pondering: what do we spend most of our lives doing? At the risk of generalising, it occurred to me that despite always being busy, we spend a lot of our time, if not most of it, 'waiting'. It starts off with waiting (and working towards) good exam results. Then admission into a prestigious college. A grand entrance into a profession of choice. We then wait for Mr./ Ms. Right to strut right along. Wait for marriage. Wait for the promotion that was promised. Wait for an enviable bank balance. Wait to plan a family. Holidays and travel. Wait for a better job, a better house, better home help...a better life...

And sooner than we know it, we 've accomplished something- a career, a family and if we're lucky, maybe both. But we don't feel accomplished enough. For some reason, life has become extremely complex. We have more than our fair share with respect to most around, yet there is this niggling restlessness....

Maybe it is the incessant waiting for 'something big' to happen that creates the 'unhappiness' - the reason why we never really like our jobs, don't like having to decide what to cook for dinner or being stuck with the washing or running around after the family. Maybe it's because we've lost track of what we're waiting for that we lose patience with loved ones.

It occurs to me that in our preoccupation with what we could be doing instead of what we are doing, we ride roughshod on our own lives and the things that matter the most. When there is no time, we wish we could travel, paint, sleep for hours in the afternoon, nod off over a good book, do pottery or play with pets and laugh with kids. But when there is time, we feel we should be doing something more worthwhile. But whose idea of worthwhile is it?

Somewhere there is a need to stop. Pause. Be silent. Realise that this is life. The everyday, maybe sometimes mundane is what life is all about. The sun is shining. The rain is still beautiful. The trees are a lovely shade of green. The breeze still feels nice. Something as simple as going to the gym and listening to good music on the treadmill can be a high point. It's alright to stop worrying and waiting.

Maybe life is not about 'arriving' and I may be forgiven for the cliche; maybe it is about the journey. Life could possibly be about 'being in the moment' (another cliche?); sharing a joke with a friend/ husband or wife; about paying complete attention when a child smiles at us; about stopping to say hi to a neighbour or even taking our dog for a walk. Maybe it's about singing along terribly to a favourite song or taking time out to talk to one person who we otherwise would not notice. Maybe it's about meeting each new day knowing that we can see life through the eyes of one more person.

In fact it's quite liberating to think that life is not always about that 'big something' or the extraordinary but it is the sum total of all the ordinary, small things put together-the brush strokes that create the whole picture in it's full magnificence.

I could take a leaf out of my daughter's book. She plays all day- that's her work. When she sees someone she loves, she laughs out loud as if she's seen them after years, even though it's been just ten minutes. She looks at everything around her, as if for the first time, marvelling at each sight, sound and smell. My almost 14 month old daughter- knows what life is all about.

A bout of forgetfulness.....

My husband told me that most people stop blogging after 4 posts ; he quickly posted a couple more to reach the magic number of 6, just in case he stops blogging in the near future...he hates conforming you see. I realise that i am on my 5th post and have been positioned so, for quite some time. I also realise that i have been competely reflection-less of late...but this is something i wanted to share- it's scribblings from my pregnancy (December 2006), somewhere around the 5th month, one morning, when i was struggling to get to work. For those who don't know, pregnancy can cause forgetfulness and muddling up of the mind (those close to me believe that this is the permanent state of my mind and in no way related to pregnancy!)

Hope you enjoy this. I certainly wish i had written more when i was expecting. Next time maybe!

"I finally did get out of the house this morning---at 10am...I'd been trying to lock the door since 9.45.
I got out, locked the door, got in the lift and waited to go downstairs- i waited....and waited some more....meanwhile I remembered that I'd forgotten to take my medicines.....so i decided that I'd go back to the 6th floor to get them. That's when I realized that we'd never left the 6th floor.
No sweat- it happens.People do forget to press the keys in the lift.
I then got out of the lift and opened the door, rummaged around for the keys- after trying all the keys I managed to get in the house again.
Thought I'd save time so just packed my medicines in my bag....noting to myself that I should not forget the keys on my way out.
Great. I got out of the house and carefully remembered to lock the lock. And awesome- the lift was still in the 6th floor.
Oops.But what's this? My wallet was not in my bag. Ok... so i go through half the keys again to open the door. The girl next door (yes PD they're still there) asked if she should still hold on to the lift. I asked her to go ahead- why delay her, haina.
So now I'm inside the house to check if I've left the wallet on the shoe rack. No it's not there. What's this under my arm then?......Now slightly flustered, i grab my wallet from my armpit and get the hell out of the house
Lock the door. Get in the lift. Press "G", make sure i have my wallet and keys in the wallet and the wallet in the bag.
As you can imagine, I took the cab to office today..a pregnant girl has to make up for lost time right?
Quizzically your's.
p.s. By the way, Amrita from my department saw me for the first time in weeks, today. she says.."you're looking adorably cute.....you were really thin before weren't you?" What does that mean? Am i cute or fat or both?!? "